[Fate/ninth heaven] Forgotten Wings; Believe (I) [route I, day 8]

[feral-phoenix.livejournal.com]

Masterlist and readme are here.

Believe (I)

  —This is a story.
  This is an old story from days when the world was much younger than it is now.

  The knight stands on the battlefield.
  Surrounded by enemies and the bodies of his few allies, he stands in the gap steadfastly.
  —The enemy is an entire army strong.
  All of his allies are already dead.
  Reinforcements will be coming, but he doesn’t know when and by now it no longer matters.
  Surely…, this will be his last battle.

  The knight understands this.
  All his life, he has been heading towards this moment.
  This wasteland, and the lonely pass.
  The knowledge that should he fall, he does not even know what will become of his body.

  …But the knight does not lament.
  He is a weapon of the gods.
  A sword pointed towards its enemy does not curse its fate, even if it is broken.
  The sword is simply there as a tool to be used to wreak death.

  And so, the knight does not lament.
  The knight does not consider retreating or surrendering.
  He simply stands steadfastly, and prepares for the enemy to come.

  Neither does the knight feel joy.
  Or relief that after so long he doesn’t even have any way of telling, his long battle is finally over at last.
  He feels no bitterness, no spite, no hatred, no fear.

    —So, this is it.

  He thinks the words the same way you might think “oh, it’s cold today”.
  …Facing down the army that will kill him…,
  the knight barely feels anything at all.

  …
  ……
  ………I open my eyes.
  …I had another dream.

  Ordinarily, I don’t have such vivid dreams.
  My dreams are either all nonsense, or they replay things from the past.
  …For some reason though, it’s been different these past few days.
  Maybe it has something to do with all the magic I’ve had to use lately, or even the contract with Lancer.
  I’m dreaming about a hero, so that might be it.
  Heroes are on my mind, so I’m even dreaming about them.
  Well, I don’t really know what’s happening, but I guess I’ll mention it to Rose later.

  I wash my face and put on new clothes, and head downstairs.
  It still seems fairly early, so at least I haven’t slept in too badly today.
  When I reach the living room,

  …a strange scene greets me.

  As usual, the scarlet knight is sitting to one side of the table, but this morning he is sitting stiffly and with a closed expression.
  Rose is in her usual seat too, glowering with her arms crossed.
  …And apparently having wandered into the room just a few minutes ahead of me,
  the pink-haired girl in black clothes is facing them with her head tilted to the side.

  “““…”””
  “…um.”
  Rose turns her glare on me as if to tell me to shut up before I even begin to talk.
  Lancer does not react.
  …Vienya turns towards me and waves good morning with a confused expression.
  “Um, good morning.”
  “…Ein.”
  Rose speaks in a dangerous growl.
  “Y..yes, Rose?”
  “Go make breakfast.”
  …She did make breakfast yesterday and all, but I don’t understand the hostility.
  “Well? You’re the one who decided we’d be feeding four, so go make breakfast already!”
  Lancer is still silent, but it’s the kind of silence that feels like assent.

  …I look at Vienya helplessly.
  With things the way they were last night, we couldn’t have just left her.
  She’s a magus, but she’s still a little girl, and without her Servant to protect her it would be bad for her to be left wandering around in a state of shock.
  She still seems to have Command Spells left, so Masters like Yellma might have attacked her out of fear that she would make a contract with another Servant in the future.
  It was the best choice, so I had her come home with us.

  ……But Lancer seems resistant to the idea of having a former enemy under our roof.
  And Rose still dislikes Vienya for whatever reason.
  So, this is how it’s ended up.

  I head into the kitchen and look in the refrigerator.
  Usually I wind up making omelets or something like that when I’m on kitchen duty, but I think that given the way everyone else is right now, I’d better put in a little more effort.
  I get out the rice cooker and some white rice, and take out some spices.
  Also, there’s a bit of fruit in the refrigerator, which I can get out and wash to give to everyone while I cook the rice and make some fish.
  Rose likes sweet things, but she likes well-cooked fish too, and a proper Japanese breakfast would also be good for a growing girl like Vienya.
  Lancer generally eats whatever is put in front of him without complaint, so I think he won’t have any problems with this either.

  …I get the food ready and set the table, putting the fruit out first.
  “…Hmph.”
  Rose grumbles out a “thanks for the food” and starts cramming it into her face.
  Lancer begins to eat silently.
  Vienya claps her hands together and eats with a happy expression, as if completely oblivious that she’s the cause of the tension surrounding her.

  …There aren’t any harsh words passed between anyone, but all through breakfast it feels like if I make a wrong move I might be killed.

  After we finish eating, Rose leaves.
  She says that she’s going back to keep studying and looking for Avenger’s weapon, and leaves with a sour face.
  Lancer nods to me and says that he’ll be meditating in the basement.
  I’ll be left on my own until after lunch, which is when we’ll resume training.
  …I sigh.
  I’m left to gather up the plates and wash them.
  Despite the fact that she’s a guest, Vienya stands next to me and hands me the next plate when I’m finished with each one.
  “Somehow it still feels like I’m really useless.”
  I didn’t mean to say it aloud, but it seems I went ahead and said it absentmindedly.
  There’s a tug on my sleeve.
  I turn the faucet off and look, and Vienya lets go of my shirt, staring up at me pointedly.
  “—Sorry.
  “I shouldn’t just let my mouth run when I’m not paying attention, even if I am telling the truth when I’m doing it.”
  She shakes her head.
  She’s silent as always, but at least I can tell that she’s disagreeing with me.
  …I sigh again.
  Somehow it seems like she’s gotten a disproportionally good opinion of me.
  It’s nice to be liked, but it’s uncomfortable to be looked up to when you don’t deserve it.
  “…I am pretty useless, though. I’m not a strong magus like you and Rose, just a magic user with weird talents. And even though I want to fight and win the Holy Grail War to help people, I’m not good at fighting either and it’s all I can do to not get in the way.
  “Last night was the best I’ve ever done, and that still wasn’t good enough to save Archer. You should actually be mad at me for that.”
  Vienya hangs her head for a moment, but then looks up.
  —She’s a very small girl, but even though she acts her age and childishly admires somebody just for getting her food out of a vending machine, her expression is very wise.
  She touches her heart and smiles.
  …Peeking through her hair, I can see that her eyes are shining.
  As if to say that no matter what, as long as there’s something I can do, I’ll never be useless.
  As if to say that she’s glad I saved her and kept Archer’s sacrifice from losing its meaning.
  I can’t really tell what she wants to say, but that’s the feeling I get.
  …I don’t deserve a feeling as pure and strong as this.
  But it still makes me happy and gives me strength.

  …Yeah.
  Despite Rose’s prejudice against familiar-users, Vienya really is a good girl.
  I’m glad we were able to save her, and I don’t regret my decision to bring her here.

  Still, it really would be better if we could talk to each other.
  These one-sided conversations are a little awkward.
  “Um… what happened to your bird? The one that you used to talk to people? I haven’t seen it all day, actually…”
  Vienya tilts her head to the side like a cat.
  Her heavy braids sway as she looks at me curiously.
  When she straightens up, she starts to make movements with her hands, and her fingers swim nimbly through the air.

  It doesn’t seem to be sign language.
  She repeats the motions a few times, and then I realize that she’s miming something.
  First is the motion of writing, and then she pretends that she’s opening a window, and then forms her hands into wings like a child making shadow pictures and flaps them.
  “You sent it off with a message?”
  Vienya smiles and nods.
  “…That’s right, you were cooperating with Saber’s Master, weren’t you.”
  It’s not too surprising that she wanted to tell them where she is.
  Still, I wonder why Saber and her Master weren’t with her and Archer then.
  If the two of them had been together, then surely Avenger wouldn’t have been a threat.

  …Rose doesn’t come downstairs even after a while, so it looks like I’m stuck with making lunch, not just breakfast.
  I use the leftover rice to make onigiri while Vienya watches me and eventually tries to help.
  My onigiri aren’t as well-made as Rose’s, and after realizing hers are too small because of the size of her hands, Vienya starts stubbornly using too much rice and almost makes a mess.
  I get her a plastic bag to help her shape the rice, and we finish making the onigiri.
  We have some side dishes and things in the fridge, so I take them out and warm them up.
  It’s also leftovers, but there’s some teriyaki chicken in the freezer that I decide to heat up too.

  Sometime, it might be more fun to go out to a restaurant for lunch if the atmosphere gets less tense.
  With four of us, it wouldn’t be so bad if we split the bill.
  …Oh, but we would have to think of something to do about Lancer’s wings.
  That is a problem, but it’s a nice image to think about.

  I call Rose and Lancer, and we all sit down again to eat.
  Lancer is still very quiet and occasionally looks towards Vienya severely, but he seems more relaxed than before.
  Rose is also ignoring Vienya, but she’s nodding as she eats the food and she doesn’t seem too displeased.

  “…Everyone, what should we do from here on out?”
  All three of them turn to look at me.
  “We know we can’t leave Yellma alone.
  “No matter what, we can’t let someone like that get the Holy Grail.”
  Rose sighs and nods.
  “You’ve got that right. She’s been using barriers, but sooner or later the people in Fuyuki that have some talent with magic are going to notice and the war’s going to get found out by outsiders.
  “And if that happens, well, who knows what the Tohsaka head and deputy head will do about it. They don’t seem to care about the Grail War now, but if it starts damaging their land they might start interfering, and I don’t think Hector-sama would be very happy about that.”
  …It’s true that Hector-sama wouldn’t like it.
  It might be a little strange to say so directly, but Hector-sama has pride in his chosen role and is used to having a lot of authority.
  He would probably consider it an insult to his pride if the Grail War he’s overseeing was suddenly interfered with by people he might consider outsiders.
  “…We cannot let such a Master have her way in any case. Such an insult to the pride of the Heroic Spirits simply cannot be ignored.”
  Lancer says so plainly with intensity in his voice.
  He seems to be speaking mildly, but I can feel his intent to kill sealed within those words.
  “…”
  Vienya’s expression is also intense.
  It’s clear even without words that she doesn’t intend to forgive Yellma and Avenger for taking Archer away from her.
  …I can sympathize with Vienya’s feelings.
  If anything happened to Lancer, I’d never forgive the person who was at the root of it.
  I’d never forgive myself for failing to prevent it.
  Lancer is my Servant, it’s true.
  But he’s also a precious member of this household for as long as the Holy Grail War lasts.
  Moreover…

  I think back and remember Avenger’s disinterested expression.
  …Her intense face.
  …The black knight that only showed joy at being able to fight an opponent she perceived as worthy, the black knight who cried to have her pride forcibly broken.

  …Abusing a Heroic Spirit like that cannot be allowed.
  I don’t care if she’s an antihero or what, but even if she’s my opponent, Avenger deserves respect as a worthy enemy and as a hero.
  I can’t let it affect me on the field, but I have to feel a little sorry for her for getting summoned to somebody like that Yellma.

  “—So, are we going to patrol again tonight?”
  Rose opens her mouth to answer, but Lancer shakes his head.
  “I hate to admit it, but Master, after fighting for the past three days, I require today to make sure I have my prana stores in full.
  “You are not able to supply me enough prana to make up for even such a battle as yesterday’s immediately. Our only course of action is to take today off from patrolling, and move out tomorrow or the next day instead.
  “—Otherwise, I may be insufficiently supplied for any surprise attack. There are many Servants in this Grail War, and with six enemies still remaining, there is no room for taking unnecessary risks.”
  …That’s right.
  Come to think of it, that’s right.
  Up until now I’ve ignored it like it’s normal, but I’m the one supplying Lancer with prana, and because up until now I haven’t been able to take in mana, I’m probably not giving Lancer enough to fight on at full strength unless we take days off to conserve.
  What he says is right, even if it’s frustrating that we have to give Yellma even one more day to do whatever she pleases.

  …And.
  I sigh to myself.
  Lancer is back to calling me “Master” again.
  Up until yesterday we were doing so much better about that, too…

  …Lunch ends with vague plans of resuming patrol tomorrow, and Lancer and I return to the basement.
  Rose has gone back to studying, and it seems as though Vienya has returned to her room as well to take a nap or something.
  Her bird still hasn’t come back yet, so she must be trying to pass the time while waiting for it to return as it’s hard to communicate without it.

  It goes much the same as yesterday.
  I’m able to move a bit better today and can keep up the skirmishes longer, but ultimately I’m still not able to land even a single blow on Lancer.
  Even though he continues to restrict his power, how can I say this…
  As a warrior, Lancer is simply magnificent.
  Fighting against me, he does not leave any kind of opening, and sternly treats me as though fully expecting me to be able to compete on the same stage as him.
  From a different teacher—say, Hector-sama—it would be frightening, and from a tutor as many years ahead of me as Rose, it would be tiring, but somehow when it’s with Lancer this kind of feeling is liberating.
  Lancer believes in me.
  I have to become stronger not just to support Lancer and Rose properly and to pull my own weight, but because Lancer believes in me and I want to be able to accept and answer that belief with all my heart and all my strength.

  …After three hours of being beaten down and getting back up, we finish for the day.
  Lancer puts his Noble Phantasm away, and I let my projected sword disappear, sinking down into a sitting position against the wall.
  “—Well done, Master.”
  Lancer nods his approval.
  I shake my head.
  …Whoa.
  Just that has made the world waver in front of my face.
  I’m completely out of energy.
  “It’s still no good. Even after all that, I couldn’t hit you once or make you falter even a little. Lancer, you’re really amazing.”
  I can’t imagine ever being able to fight at that level.
  Not even if I lived for a hundred years, became a hero, and one day was summoned as a Servant myself.

  “No, you’re certainly beginning to move much better. Your projections were lasting longer, and it was taking longer for me to box you in.
  “You likely cannot ascertain it yourself, but you are certainly improving. It’s buried deep and not apparent looking at you, but you have the talent for battle.
  “—Ein.
  “Combat magi with your abilities are exceedingly rare, especially as projection magic and strengthening tend to corrode low-quality Magic Circuits.
  “Simply because you have the instincts and your body can withstand your own magic, you have the ability to someday become great.
  “It has no bearing on this Grail War as it would take something akin to a miracle for you to improve so much over the next week. However, when you are older and have reached your true potential, you will become a great warrior.”

  …These words.
  They fall into my body like smooth stones in a clear pond, disappearing into the water without even a ripple.

  “Until then, all that’s left is to teach you to hone your instincts and get you used to battle.
  “I cannot impart technique. I can only aid you in becoming more competent with the weapon in your hand through these means.”

  Lancer nods.
  His expression is stern, but his eyes are calm and clear.
  He may not approve of the me of today, but Lancer is looking into the future and seeing a “self” that I wouldn’t dare to dream of becoming.
  Lancer is telling me to go on and grasp that self.

  “—I understand.
  “Then, I’ll do my best from now on too. Better than my best. Because I have to keep getting better as long as this battle is continuing.”
  …More than that.
  It’s just like before.
  Lancer believes in me, and just to be believed in by someone like Lancer is like a reward that I haven’t been able to earn yet.
  I want to be worthy of that—

  …After training is dinner.
  Rose still isn’t cooking and I’m too tired to do anything fancy, so I call and order take-out.
  It costs money, but it’s a sacrifice that needs to be made to feed us.
  This is the way that life is, after all.

  Come to think of it, we’re going to run out of food before long.
  We need to go shopping tomorrow or the next day.
  Feeding three people took more than two, and obviously four will take much more food than three.
  …If I mention it now I may just make Rose angry again, so I guess I’ll talk about it tomorrow.
  Dinner passes quietly as we talk of mundane things around bites.
  The air is filled with the sound of our chopsticks and Lancer’s Western utensils on the plates.
  …By the way, even though Vienya doesn’t seem Japanese or Chinese, she can use chopsticks perfectly well.
  It’s a bad stereotype to apply as Rose and I both learned to use Japanese utensils and cook Japanese-style foods quickly when we came here, but since that’s the way that people think, it’s rubbed off on us a bit as well.
  …We really have grown used to life here in Fuyuki.

  After dinner, Vienya volunteers to do the dishes.
  Rose and I watch to make sure that she isn’t doing anything wrong, but she seems to have picked up on where all the dishes and things are supposed to go by watching me earlier.
  …I stand up.
  “Hey Ein, what’s the matter?”
  “…Nothing. Well, I was just thinking that I wanted to go for a walk.”
  Rose sighs and makes a face.
  “Even you’re not dumb enough to go picking fights by yourself, so what is it? You don’t want to go to the church, do you?”
  …Uh.
  “…Yeah, you got me. I kind of do want to go out and see what Hector-sama thinks of things so far, what with there being so many Servants and all.”
  Rose crosses her arms.
  “At least take Lancer with you. If Lancer doesn’t manifest and you keep your Magic Circuit closed, no one should be able to find you and you should be safe.”

  …I’m surprised.
  I thought she would put up more resistance especially because this means she’ll be left alone in the house with Vienya.
  Still, all I can do is be grateful as this is something that I really feel I have to do as a Master.

  I head for the doorway, followed by Lancer.
  …Lancer says nothing, only watches me.
  I’m sure he’s not happy about having to return to the church, as he was suspicious about it before, but he doesn’t question me.

  I put my shoes on and leave the house.
  The night air is cold on my skin, and I hear the soft sound of Lancer melting into the air behind me.
  The town feels silent and empty as always whenever it gets dark.
  Still, I don’t feel frightened or alone.
  I can still sense Lancer’s presence.
  If only vaguely, there’s a link between us.
  Even if I were frightened, I could take strength from it, and it’s the proof that I am with someone else in this world.
  Quietly, we head for the bridge.
  I don’t speak, and Lancer doesn’t say anything either.
  The only sound is my footsteps, much like the night before.

  We reach the bridge.
  There’s yellow police tape all over the park.
  We made kind of a mess last night, and so there’s a lot of broken equipment.
  I remember what Rose was talking about before.
  I wonder if the news people are also claiming this to be the work of vandals.

  …We get onto the path.
  The long white road of the suspension bridge stretches out like a tightrope over the black abyss of water.
  Still, Lancer and I move forward in silence.

  …At last, we head into the residential district on the other side.
  The church atop the hill.
  I crane my neck and look up at it.
  …Maybe it’s my imagination, but Hector-sama’s presence seems dense even outside.

  “Master.”
  Lancer speaks softly.
  “I know. You don’t have to go inside if you don’t want to.
  “It’s cold—wait, maybe that won’t bother you if you’re in spirit form, but please wait for me. I’ll do my best to be done soon.”
  The feeling of Lancer nodding.
  I take a breath and gather my courage, and push open the heavy doors that lead into my master’s castle.

  “—It seems a lost sheep has come seeking guidance even at such a late hour.”
  Hector-sama is standing at the pulpit.
  As I’m alone here, that suffocating aura is all focused on me.
  It’s so stifling that I have to struggle not to bow my head.

  …Instead, I approach the pulpit slowly.
  “…Hector-sama.”
  “Yes? Surely you haven’t had your Grail War come to an end this easily.”
  “—No. It’s as you said, Hector-sama. I’m… not sure who else to come to for advice, and I should report the abnormalities in this Grail War thus far.”
  …It’s a minute gesture, but Hector-sama smiles.
  Under the cowl of his robes, I can’t see his eyes, but he seems interested.
  “Hoh… abnormalities, you say…?”

  …Slowly and carefully, making sure not to miss any important details, I recount everything to Hector-sama.
  That there seem to be three more Servants than normal.
  That one of these Servants is of a forbidden class.
  …That we have encountered every Servant but Caster, and that two Servants have been eliminated thus far.

  Hector listens without speaking until I’m finished, and then:
  “—Interesting. It seems as though this battle’s grail will be especially potent.”
  “…Hector…, sama?”
  My master smiles.
  It is a smile without any mirth, and a chill makes its way down my back.
  “Ordinarily, the saturation point of the Holy Grail is six Servants.
  “You’ve been told that the Holy Grail fills in proportion to the Servants defeated, correct? …Think about it. In an ordinary Grail War, if a Master wanted a truly full Grail, he would have to turn his hand against his own Servant at the war’s end.
  “But for nine Servants to have been summoned…, the battle will end with the Grail eight Servants’ worth full. The Master who ascends the final stage will achieve the most potent holy miracle of any.
  “Do you understand what this means, Ein?”
  …I swallow.
  “If this Holy Grail is supposed to be really powerful…, then it’s even more important not to let an unsuitable Master have it… is that right?”
  “Certainly. It’s also imperative that you defeat as many Servants as possible over the next few days.
  “When the Grail is ready to descend, the fewer there are to try to claim it, the better. And the Grail will not mature until around the end of this week.
  “Thus far, two Servants have been defeated—Assassin and Archer.
  “Your next target should be Avenger. You do not need such an enemy.
  “After that, deal with the others as you please. The two Riders, you should annihilate by power if you cannot do so by guile. Your Servant is strong; do not fear to utilize that strength.
  “And you have identified Saber and Berserker, so surely you should not have too much trouble with them.
  “As for Caster, that Servant will surely appear eventually.”
  …I feel as if I’m being crushed.
  The weight of Hector-sama’s commandments is so strong I don’t know if I can keep standing for much longer.
  ……He’s expecting too much of me.
  I can’t speak against him.
  My life belongs to Hector-sama. He’s my master, after all, and the closest thing to a parent I’ve ever known.
  But.
  “…Hector-sama. About Caster…”
  “—Hoh.
  “You certainly have become bold, questioning me like this.
  “Caster was summoned. About that, I am not wrong.”
  I want to ask more.
  I want to know how he can be so sure.
  But Hector-sama’s smile is daring me to question the supervisor of the Grail War even more than I already have, and to question his abilities is really something I have no right to do.
  Furthermore, Hector-sama is the supervisor, after all.
  I’m not really supposed to be here trying to get information from him.
  It’s giving me an advantage that’s unfair, and we’re different from the cheaters in this war, so we should behave differently.

  “—Thank you, Hector-sama.
  “I’ll refrain from coming back here unless I can’t think of anything else.”
  ……Hector-sama smiles.
  “Indeed. I wish you luck with your Grail War, my chosen representative.”
  …I bow, and leave the stifling atmosphere for the open air again.

  Lancer is standing there.
  Materialized, Lancer is standing there waiting for me with a concerned face.
  “—Master.”
  I smile and nod to reassure him, but Lancer steps forward and places a hand on my shoulder before I’ve fully descended the steps.
  “…Ein. You look unwell.”
  “…I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me, Lancer. Hector-sama is just… well, a little difficult to deal with.”
  My head is spinning.
  My head really must be spinning through all this, because the warmth of Lancer’s hand on my shoulder seems as hot as an iron.
  …I think I might be sweating.
  In the moonlight, Lancer is looking up at me.
  It’s strange to be in this position as Lancer is taller than me.
  The light illuminates his hair and turns it into the color of fine gold.
  Although the moonlight itself is white, the light glances off of Lancer’s feathers and brings out the hues of a prism in the contours of his wings.
  …It’s beautiful.
  That’s the word I’ve been looking for all this time.
  Lancer is a handsome Servant, but that’s so obvious it doesn’t have to be said.
  It was something that I accepted from the moment he was summoned.
  Rather, it’s something that fits into every child’s concept of a hero, so it wasn’t something I questioned or found remarkable.
  …But this close, I understand.
  Rather than just good looks, Lancer has a beauty that strikes awe into my soul.
  As an angel and as a warrior, but also as a person.
  …I don’t understand my thoughts or what I’m feeling.
  “…On second thought, I probably should get out of here. We’re loitering on the church’s steps, after all, and Hector-sama’s presence isn’t good for me when I’m trying to think.”
  Lancer gives me a confused look, but nods and lifts his hand away.
  “—Then, Master.”
  I nod and come to stand next to him.
  Lancer’s body melts into the moonlight.
  —It’s beautiful.
  It really is.
  And more than that, the fact that Lancer is still standing right beside me…, is something I can only be grateful for.

  Slowly, we make our way back across the bridge and into Miyama.
  It’s cold and lonesome, but we aren’t bothered by other Masters or the suggestion of a fight.
  It’s only the night, myself and Lancer here.
  The silence is more precious than words.
  …Such a person worried about me.
  Such a person showed concern.
  That, in and of itself… is beautiful.

  …When we make it back, most of the lights are off.
  Rose is sitting at the table with a notebook and a cup of juice, and looks up when she sees us.
  “Oh, hey. So you didn’t wind up being too late back after all.”
  I raise a hand to say hello as Rose welcomes me back.
  Lancer turns to me.
  “…Then, I shall retire for the night.
  “If you need me, then call for me.”
  “—Yeah. Thanks, Lancer.”
  The knight nods his head, and then disappears in the direction of the stairs.
  —Even Lancer needs his sleep.

  “You two look like you’re getting along. So how did it go?”
  I shake my head and report to Rose as I sit down.
  “That Hector-sama, he’s always so hard to deal with no matter what happens.
  “Well, at least we know for sure that there actually is a Caster. The rest of this Grail War is going to be insane.”
  …Rose is probably right.
  We’ve been fighting for days now, and yet there are still seven Servants left.
  What Hector-sama said about the Holy Grail is probably true too, so we have to do our best.

  “So what did you want, Rose?”
  “—There are a few magical exercises you should be doing every night so that you can open up more to the mana in the air.
  “Without mana, you’re not going to be able to really supply Lancer with all the strength he needs on a day-to-day basis, right?
  “Well, I say magical exercises, but really you’ll just be meditating with your Magic Circuit open while I tamper with you a little bit more. It won’t be as bad as the first night, but that’s because you’re used to it and we’re compatible after all.”
  I nod.
  …Letting Rose manipulate my odo is something that we’ve done together since we first met, after all, so it really shouldn’t be much different than normal.
  Besides, even if it’s painful, it’s still necessary for our victory.
  If nothing else, talking to Hector-sama made that clear.
  Victory—is something that we can’t afford to allow to slip away.

  …Actually, before we start. Wasn’t there something I wanted to talk to Rose about…?
  “—Rose. I’ve been having some weird dreams lately, actually…”

  “Oh.”
  Rose seems pleased for some reason.
  “That actually makes my job easier. You’ve been dreaming about a hero, right?”
  —Wait, how does she know that?

  Rose folds her arms and nods to herself.
  “—See, Ein, when you have a Servant and the bond is functioning healthily, you share each other’s dreams. If you’re having dreams that seem unusually real, it means you’re dreaming about Lancer’s past. He should be dreaming about your memories, too.”
  Oh.
  So that should explain things. I’m just dreaming about Lancer’s past.

  “—Wait, wait, I’ve been dreaming about Lancer’s past?! All of that was Lancer’s memories and it was all real?”

  The scholar who was made a warrior, and fought to save people despite having no real life of his own.
  The knight that died alone against an army, in a battle he never could have won, like I just saw in my sleep this morning—

  Rose frowns at me.
  “Well, yeah. You know Lancer’s legend, don’t you? So it matches up, right?”

  —That’s true.
  Now that I think about it, the hero Ledah Rozwelli came from a noble family and was chosen to become a Grim Angel, and Grim Angels really did live like that.
  I’d just never considered—

  …No.
  I’d never wanted to consider it.
  Lancer—Ledah was one of my childhood heroes, after all.
  Heroes aren’t people. They’re things.
  Convenient guardians to light the path for humanity without preserving any of their own.
  ……They’re not supposed to be lonely, or want someone’s approval.
  They’re not supposed to be tired of fighting.
  They are simply supposed to fight…, like weapons—

  That is what it means to be a hero.
  That is what it means to be a Heroic Spirit.
  That is what it means,
    …to be a Servant.

  “…Ein? You seriously don’t look good. Should we wait until tomorrow?”
  At Rose’s worried voice, I come to my senses.
  I force myself to smile, and shake my head.
  “No. It’s all right.
  “I just didn’t realize I was being stupid again. This is important for our ability to fight, so go ahead and do it.”

  Rose looks troubled, but she sighs.
  “—Fine. Get your head out of Lancer’s past. You can think about it later.”

  …I realize that I am simply running away.
  I cannot accept this now, so I am putting the revelation off for later.
  …How, cowardly of me.
  But still.
  As someone who is “human”, this is all I can do for now.
  —I’m sorry, Lancer.

  …
  ……
  ………It is past midnight.
  Rose brought me out of my trance half an hour ago, and sent me to bed.
  I don’t feel any different.

  “…”
  …No.
  That’s not exactly true.
  My body might be in extreme turmoil right now, and I wouldn’t be able to notice it.
  —Because my mind cannot turn away from it.
  Lancer’s memories.
  …The hero, my pillar of strength, my Servant.
  He wasn’t always that way.
  He has become the way he is now because of the things that happened to him.
  …I think of the scholar from that first dream.
  …I think of the Lancer that I know.
  ……As I thought, I can’t reconcile the two images.
  They seem as though they should have nothing to do with each other.
  …What happened?
  When was the transformation really made?
  ……I don’t know.
  But when I close my eyes, I will probably find out.

  This is,
  the bond between Master and Servant.

  Afraid to fall asleep and yet impatient for it, I toss and turn as time continues to progress.