[Fate/ninth heaven] re:Birth; lacrimosa [route II, day 5]

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Masterlist and readme are here.

lacrimosa   “—”   …The hospital room stinks of medicine.   I know.   I know that there’s nothing I can do anymore, but all I’ve been able to do is stand here silently and watch.   This is—Vienya’s injuries are far beyond my limited knowledge of healing.   “…”   ……After Archer vanished, we took Vienya to this hospital in the neighboring town.   These people specialize in helping injured magi.   …Apparently they’ve treated victims of the Grail War before, as the doctors understood what I meant when I told them that her Command Spells were ripped out.   It’s obvious by this point, but Command Spells are attached directly to the nerves of our arms, and without special training, the only way for an outsider to remove them is by ripping those nerves out.   I don’t know if there’s a way to restore movement and feeling to Vienya’s arm or even if she can go without having it amputated.   I seem to recall that even with the nerves destroyed, there’s a way to retrace their pathways with prana to create artificial nerves, like a Magic Circuit.   …But the inside of my head just keeps spinning with useless thoughts.   I want to ask someone how she’s doing, but in the end I’m too exhausted from despair to really remember any of the doctors’ and nurses’ names.   ……I haven’t slept all night, and the sun is already up. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve lost track of time, just staring at the IV drip for hours.   All I know is that she will live.   …   ……No thanks to my abysmal foolishness, of course.   “—Roswell.”   Yggdra’s voice is in my ear again.   “Roswell, we should really go home.   “The doctors have your contact information, and they’ll let us know when things change. There’s nothing more you can do here, so you have to rest.”   …I know.   In the end, all I can do is obey her words.   It’s still barely dawning, and no one is around, so as we walk back toward Fuyuki, Yggdra materializes herself to stay at my side.   “—It’s about Archer, but—”   All of a sudden she begins to speak.   I can do nothing but let her words drift in.   “The Archer class possesses the ability to remain in this world even without a Master, much longer than any other Servant.   “—It means that he simply chose to give up when the only Master he acknowledged was disqualified.”   A victory without you is no victory at all.   …That kind of thing, I suppose.   You see it all the time in fiction, where it is portrayed as a great and moving thing.   The reality that there are people who would behave like that is as empty and sad as it is beautiful.   The unfairness of it rests like stones at the base of my diaphragm as we cross back into Fuyuki, towards the light foresting.   Once we get closer in to Shinto, we won’t need to take a taxi or any such thing.   …It’s not really that far to my neighborhood.   Birds call to each other as the faint light paints the sky in clear ice blue, gold, and rosy tones.   We simply walk on and on, not saying anything, not looking at each other.   …My body is leaden with exhaustion and despair.   I’m going to have to collapse soon, but until then all I can do is continue walking.   …I took a life last night.   It didn’t solve anything, as in the end no one was saved.   All it did was “end” the problem of my rivalry with Rosary.   ……Would things have ended up differently if I had paid more attention to her?   Or was this conclusion inevitable from the time that I was chosen to become a Master instead of her?   …I don’t know.   As humans, everyone has needs.   …As magi…, we ignore them and continue to strain toward Akasha like this.   Why?   The Origin is nothingness.   The Einzbern magus who won the last war and achieved her family’s dream vanished entirely upon touching it.   ……We strain all our lives for something that should be beyond human hands, and even if we are able to claim our prize, it means nothing.   That is what it is to be a magus, a heretic against common sense.   Fighting for our pride and dying unfulfilled.   …It’s so painful, and so sad.   I don’t even need the Holy Grail. All I’m doing is chasing after a directive left by my family.   If Rosary had become the Master instead—would she still have disappeared, the only difference in how dignified that disappearance would have happened?   …I don’t know.   We’re walking through the forest now.   It’s quiet, and filled with life.   This simple, sun-dappled natural world around me… somehow makes me want to cry very strongly.   ……Yggdra stops in the middle of the path, standing still and staring straight into the trees.   I can hear the snapping of twigs that says a human is walking towards us through there.   …And there’s a thin pricking on the back of my hand, along the Command Spell.   “—”   …There, through the trees.   The shape of a man is coming towards us.   He is dressed in black, and has incredibly long scarlet hair.   ……Like fire.   He stops slightly before the edge of the trees, and his gaze settles on Yggdra.   Something like shock or disgust creases his face.   …And Yggdra…, looks at him with her eyes wide and her gaze hard.   “—You.”   Neither of them spoke, so—   For the first time, I see the person standing in the shadow of the red-haired man.   …It’s a smaller man dressed all in white.   The look on his face, in his dark green eyes, is the same as Yggdra’s.   “—”   The red-haired man releases a massive burst of killing intent, and heavy red-and-gold plate armor takes shape over his body.   In his hand is a long-poled scythe decorated in a red scaled pattern.   …He steps forward.   Just like that, it’s as though his body blurs and almost disappears.   He rushes forward, and runs up against the wall of Yggdra’s sword.   —When did she, materialize her Noble Phantasm—?   All I know is that the battling intent to kill between the two is enough to warp the air.   My mind, is blank.   …I don’t know what’s happening or even how to identify what’s taking place in front of me.   The only thing that’s certain is that these two before us are a Master and Servant we haven’t yet seen.   “—”   The unknown Master’s face is very pale as he stares at Yggdra.   And then something passes over his expression like resolve.   “—All right, then. I won’t let it end like before.   “I’ll back you up.”   Something bright glows against his body underneath his clothes, and he holds out both hands over a large golden book.   Rising up on his toes, he calls out in a clear voice.   —No, I can’t even understand the words he speaks.   All I know is that each syllable is tied to a musical pitch, and that there is immense power in them that hurts my head to listen to.   This isn’t orthodox thaumaturgy as I know it.   This is—   The Master gestures.   Fire rains down, spilling over both his Servant and Yggdra’s bodies.   “—”   It pounds.   Pain races up my arm, making me stagger.   “—It won’t work!”   A powerful shockwave.   Yggdra swings her sword and produces a heavy clang that pushes the unknown Servant backwards one step.   But he simply uses the distance to slash at her, and their weapons lock together again.   They struggle, Yggdra pushing from an angle and the other Servant using his greater height and weight to bear down on her, glowering at each other.   …Yggdra’s clothes are slightly singed, but the magic wasn’t all that effective against her, it seems.   Well, that’s only a given as she’s Saber, one of the classes with natural magic resistance.   “—Don’t expect this to be the same as the last time.”   He speaks for the first time in a clear voice.   Resolve resonates in his words the same way it does in Yggdra’s.   This must be what they call “personal charisma”.   I can sense a great nobility in this man that matches Yggdra’s own.   It’s the type of presence that might induce others to follow you.   Anyway, he says something similar to his Master and narrows his eyes.   “—I’ll protect what’s important to me this time.”   “—”   Yggdra doesn’t say anything.   She pumps her arms forward, and by applying a burst of prana she knocks him back again.   But this time, instead of reengaging with her, he leaps backwards.   I don’t have time to wonder what they’re planning.   On instinct alone, I gather up my shattered nerves and cast a barrier in front of her.   …The next moment, lightning rains down.   My barrier is weak, and easily broken by the more powerful and foreign magic that the unknown Master uses.   Absorbing the damage, Yggdra grimaces but does not lose her footing.   “—And I won’t forgive you if you try to take away what’s important to me!”   She tries to leap forward, but he swings, catching her and sending her crashing back against the trunk of a tree.   The Servant advances on her, and before I can move to help, his Master begins to walk toward me slowly, that spellbook balanced in the air above his palm.   “—I’ll have you leave the stage now, I think.   “It’s nothing personal, of course. It’s just smarter to deal with a threat like that girl right away; I’m sure that as a fellow Master you understand.”   —The inside of my head goes blank.   After all of this, I should have something left in me to defend myself with, but the magic won’t come.   The man in white speaks a single word, and a number of pages detach from his spellbook, curling and solidifying into the shape of a thin foil. He grips it with his free hand.   Without my consciously doing so, my hands raise on their own as if to defend against his impending attack, but there’s no way that I’ll be able to actually cast anything to counter him.   …And then.   The ground between us erupts in black-red flames.   “—”   It misses me by just a little.   It spreads out past where the enemy Master was standing, and Yggdra is cursing, openly angry for the first time since her summoning.   —I see.   The enemy Servant is at the border of the trees, holding his Master to his body in the crook of one arm while brandishing his scythe.   “—Nessiah, are you all right?”   Even as he asks this, his attention is on us and the threat in the distance.   …His Master clings to his arm with a shaken expression.   “……Yes, for the most part.”   He sounds breathless.   …Well, for someone of his size, being grabbed suddenly and pulled out of harm’s way might be enough to knock the wind out of you.   “—I didn’t sense them.   “I suppose the aftereffects still haven’t dispersed completely.”   “—”   The armored Servant glares as though scrutinizing us. Yggdra readies her sword and holds her ground beside me.   “—Well, going after easy prey has no point if it’s not easy prey any more. Especially with you like this.   “…It seems we’ll be settling our score later, Princess. We’ll be taking our leave now.”   Yggdra bristles, and her rage vibrates the air powerfully enough to make me tremble.   “Coward! Does the Emperor run from his battles now, Gulcasa?!”   The Servant smiles bitterly.   His long hair flutters in the breeze.   “Both of us have different priorities in this battle. I know mine. Are you aware of yours?”   I can hear loud footsteps as multiple people crash through the underbrush towards us.   Nessiah, looking past us and towards the intruders, holds on to his Servant tightly.   “—Berserker.”   “Right.”   The Servant—Berserker lifts his Master into his arms and turns on his heel, dashing into the trees at speeds I can barely follow.   Yggdra shifts her weight as though she wants to dash after them, but eventually lowers her sword, content to glare in their direction.   …I turn towards our saviors.   Oh.   …We know them.   It’s Lancer, Ein, and the girl in black.   …The boy,     Vienya saved,       …to fulfill a silly debt.   …   ……I can’t, handle this, …right now.   “—Are you all right?”   The boy Ein asks.   He sounds…, happy to have made it in time.   “—I didn’t get him after all, damn.”   The girl stares into the woods and then shakes her head as if giving up.   “Anyhow, I guess that’s that.   “You don’t look so good. Did he get you with something?”   …I can’t.   I can’t, say it.   “—Please forgive us for being rude.”   Yggdra speaks for me.   “A number of things happened yesterday and last night, and my Master is still in shock.   “…If it’s all right, I think it would be best for us to go straight back.”   Ein nods with a concerned expression.   “—Sure, that’s not a problem. Do whatever is best for you, all right?”   She smiles and bows her head.   “—Thank you for helping us.”   With a few trivial partings, we are on our way.   Yggdra does not dematerialize.   She rests her hand on my arm and guides me, firmly and steadily but still kindly.   …When we make it back to the entrance of the neighborhood.   ……By the hedge are the bags filled with groceries I left there.   “—”   Just seeing that.   The nausea rises up and I don’t feel like I can take it any longer.   ……And yet.   As I continue to stand here helplessly, Yggdra walks over and picks up the bags.   It’s as though she wants to protect it.   …The proof that those two were with us.   “—”   I know what she intends.   …But watching it…, is incredibly painful to me.   …When we go through the door.   Even though it was purified, a brief memory resurfaces of the stench of blood and burning flesh, and this time I really can’t take it anymore.   “—…”   I stand at the sink and let the water run.   Even vomiting doesn’t make it go away.   This sickness and this despair.   I don’t know how much longer my body can hold me up.   “—Roswell.”   Her voice is soft.   “…You should go to bed.   “I’ll take care of everything, so just go ahead and rest. You need to sleep.”   …She’s right.   I’m afraid.   I’m afraid of what I’ll dream about, but even so, I’m about to stop functioning.   ……Slowly.   I make my way back to my room and let myself collapse on the bed. (interlude 5-1)   “—Both of us have different priorities in this battle. I know mine. Are you aware of yours?”   She grits her teeth until it feels like they’ll crack, fists her hands and digs her fingernails into her palms until her skin nearly gives way.   She hates that that man was the one to tell her that.   …But at the same time, she feels guilty for not considering it.   …Seeing him.   Everything from that time flooded back.   Her foolishness, her selfishness, the immediacy of the grudge she thought she had long since laid to rest.   …She could blame it on any number of things, but she won’t.   She just has to make sure that it doesn’t happen a second time.   She locks up the house, puts away the groceries the way that she remembers, and cleans up the sink, opening a window to air the scent of bile in the kitchen.   —Her Master is at his limit.   He is such a kind man.   …Her memories and her instincts haven’t betrayed her.   The long ages have not changed the house of Verlaine overmuch.   This man, Roswell, is perhaps not fit to be a Master or even a traditional magus.   …He doesn’t smell of blood.   Most likely, his defeat of his cousin was the first life he has ever taken.   ……He’s too kind.   She knows that type of kindness, understands it.   …He’ll wear himself out if this goes on.   When faced with hardship and with the immutable unfairness of life, that kindness curls in on itself, bleeding and festering.   Her priorities.   …What she can do.   All she knows for certain is the pain in her breast.   …It won’t ease until she eases his pain.   Not because of their bond as Master and Servant…   …but simply because it’s so difficult to watch.   “I know.”   If all I can do is protect him, then the least I can do is to protect his heart as well as his body.   The girl thinks this and closes her eyes. (5-1 interlude out.)