flightworks | [Fate/ninth heaven] re:Birth; folie à deux [route II, day 8] (Reply)

Masterlist and readme are here.

folie à deux

—This is a story about a girl.

The city fell.
Her father the king was dead, her paradise was shattered, and all she was able to do was flee as the soldiers protecting her were killed in battle after battle.
…Finally.
She was able to gather sympathetic forces and the remnants of the army, and vowed that she would retake her country and avenge the deaths of her parents.
……The usurper would pay for his crimes in red blood.
She had justice on her side as long as she held the holy sword, after all.
But, of course, there was no way to defeat the invading army with such a small force, and the cavalry of the kingdom was in ruins.
…So the princess turned to her family’s allied countries.

Her father had been a proud and well-liked knight.
He had had good relations with the country of the Undines, the country of magic, and the Papacy, so it should have been a given that there were people willing to help her avenge him.
…She didn’t consider until later that in that case, they should have responded to the kingdom’s first pleas for help.

When she traveled to the country of water, the country was in chaos.

While the kingdom had been busy with the invasion, a theft in the neighboring country had caused a civil war between the humans of the land and the Undines of the sea.
…She had turned to her allies in search of help, but was met by the pleas of the terrified human residents who were being attacked by their own countrymen.
—All she knew was that the assaults of innocent townspeople were wrong.
So the princess ordered her troops to fight off the Undine attackers and stamp out the rebellion.
The queen of the Undines said when they met that although she did not condone the massacres, at the same time she must defend and protect her people by any means necessary.
That it was the duty of a ruler, and that she could not order her soldiers to stop.

The princess raised her sword.
…All she knew was that the attacks on innocents were not just.
The sacking of her city was still in her mind as she ordered the civil war neutralized.

In the end, she certainly saved many people.
But at the same time, the “compensation” for their salvation was a stack of corpses.
…The Undines had attacked humans as retribution for what a human had done to them.
They had certainly been trying to protect themselves, too.
There might have been a better way.
…She thought that as she and her army, with the survivors of that conflict’s neutral party, turned again towards the allies of the kingdom.
But she didn’t know of anything better, and anyway there was simply no time to waste on diplomacy when people were dying.

With a troubled heart, she directed her army to move on.

…It was the same in the country of magic.
The two prestigious heirs to that land were embroiled in their own quarrel and couldn’t be distracted from it.
As it was a country of magic after all and the two heirs were great magi, that quarrel threatened the citizens as it escalated.
……In her time.
There was a land nearby where the kingdom had exiled its enemies in generations past.
That land had been reduced to ruined, barely arable earth by a great magical war similar to the one brewing in the country of her allies.
…There wasn’t time to think.
The people of that country were in danger, and still her own kingdom needed her.
……It was one of her soldiers who made the suggestion, but she recognized it as the best solution available.
And the princess gave the order that one of the heirs and her army were to be wiped out.
…It was a very neat solution.
It prevented great loss of life, sacrificing a few for the whole.
And she gained the loyalty of the other heir and his men, who realized their foolishness too late to change anything.
It was the smartest solution.
……Still.
The only way to create peace was to first lay a foundation of corpses to fertilize it with.

But she couldn’t think of such things.
The sword in her hands was justice.
Her father and her people had promised her that.

So she would believe.
Even if it didn’t sit easily with her, her actions must have been just.
Justice was a cold thing at times.

…And right now what was most important was that her own people be saved.
So she gave up on attempting to find more allies and turned her small army towards the kingdom.
She advanced and tried to ignore the hollow sensation of her past victories—

…I awake with the images of my dream still in my mind.
…………
…I… feel sick.

“—”
…I’m glad that Yggdra isn’t around.
I wash out the sink and use a simple spell to purify the air in the room to erase the traces of vomit, and rest my hands on the bathroom counter to stop them from shaking.
…I know.
Those were her memories.
……I know about the connection between Master and Servant, and besides, I’ve read about Yggdra’s past before.

………Because.
The houses of Verlaine are the descendants of the ruling body of that country of magic.
It was part of our history, and so of course as children we all learned of our connection with the great hero who ended the Thousand Years of Strife, so far back into the past as to have been close to the era of gods.
…There are several portraits of Yggdra at the main house aside from the one I saw that night as a child.
And, of course, that is how I came into possession of her tiara as my catalyst for summoning her in the first place.

…But still.
I knew all of these things from reading them in history books.
…But the reality was far bloodier than plain words on a page could really communicate.
“—”
…Yggdra was… very strong.
It was her first exposure to that level of carnage, but she still grit her teeth and tried to bear it, reminding herself of her objectives and telling herself it couldn’t be helped.
…And now, she’s desensitized to it.
She was introduced to such things in a terribly traumatic way, but still, she learned to cope.
…I suppose you’d say it’s the opposite of my situation.

……I don’t want to let her know that her memories bother me, and so I splash water into my face to shake myself out of it and get dressed.
I’m not very hungry, but all the same, I should make something to eat.
…Something mild, because I still feel somewhat shaken.

When I’m halfway done making the oatmeal, she arrives in the kitchen, sleepy-eyed.
Her hair is still a little bit mussed and she’s smiling warmly, but her expression changes to one of concern when she sees me.
…I really can’t hide the way I’m feeling from her, can I?
“—It’s not that much to be concerned over, I just woke up feeling a little queasy.”
I don’t want to mention that it was because of a dream in case she also knows of our connection and will see through me even further on the spot.
But Yggdra does not press the matter further.
She simply nods and asks if there is anything she can do to help.

…I wonder how she got to be so good at reading other people’s emotions, at comforting people in distress.
As the leader of an army in a bloody war, she may have had to bury her own feelings to encourage her soldiers.
…And as the leader of a country, she would have had to be adept at understanding and manipulating the emotional atmosphere in order to rule.
Still.
I wonder how it was that she learned the way of this exactly.

After the meal, we sit together at the table to talk about what we’re going to do next.
I know that we have to continue with our hunt of other Masters, no matter how little I like that reality.
—And that’s why Yggdra’s words surprise me.

“I think we should take it easy today as well.”

…Why?
She didn’t suffer any injuries last night, nor did I.

But when I protest that any lackluster on my part shouldn’t keep us from doing our duty as Master and Servant, Yggdra simply shakes her head regally.
Her golden hair catches the light and reflects white in those snatches of sun.
“I’m thinking of your health, Roswell.
“—A few days ago, you had a very traumatic experience, and even though you’re coping incredibly well it’s not really good for you to stress yourself with more possible trauma right away.
“Obviously since this is the Grail War, our options are limited, but it’s probably best to take some days off to relax, and release the amount of strain.
“…We’re not the only ones who would fight to stop Masters or Servants trying to commit injustices, and even without us on the field, Servants will find one another and fight. There are some times when it’s all right to take a rest.”
She smiles not with her lips but with her eyes.
…I feel as though I’m sinking into that truer blue than the ocean.
“You’re not a burden, and you have no need to feel guilty.
“This is normal, and I’m more than happy to consider the needs of my Master.
“—You would do the same for me, after all.”

…I’m honestly speechless.
Her consideration almost makes me want to cry.

“—All right.
“If you insist, then we won’t push ourselves today.”

…
…Still, that leaves the question of what we should do.
We’ve spent quite a lot of time in the house, and no matter how many books I own, there’s a limit to how interesting that can be for two people trying to kill time.

When I say so, Yggdra smiles at me.
“—Well, you’ve shown me the town, but in the end I haven’t been able to take a closer look at it, after all.
“If you wouldn’t mind, I’d really like that.”

…My mind freezes for a moment.
She can’t… really have meant that the way that a woman of this era would.
…Did she?

“—If that’s what you’d like, I can hardly refuse you.”
I make myself smile.
…Well, I suppose there’s no harm in it.
There’s more to Yggdra than her persona as a warrior, and if possible, I want her to have fun when she can.
God only knows that in life, she had to go through enough grim battles already.

Her entire face lights up.
Yggdra beams at me like a skylight until I feel as if I’ll go blind with it.
…I feel like my head is actually getting fuzzy.
……So this is the full force of what they call “charisma”……
What a dangerous talent.

“I’m so glad!
“Let’s do everything we can, okay?”

She grasps my hand like an excited child.
…She’s so joyful that I can’t help but smile back.

“—Well, if we’re relaxing, then all we can do is play to our hearts’ content, right?”
I think about the layout of Shinto.
“I can take you to the places that I like and then tell you about the other things that there are around town, and we can try out anything you’d like to do.”

The queen in her gown stands up.
“—I’ll go get ready, and then we’ll go—is that all right?”

I nod to show my assent, and she turns in a great whirl of lace and prances off for the stairs.
I feel as though I’ve done a good deed.

“—”

…I am honestly left without words once again.
Yggdra’s attack has been thorough, well-planned, and it has gone off without a hitch so far.

After taking half an hour to get ready in the way that girls do, she came down wearing the patterned sweater long enough to be a dress and black leggings.
Her hair was let down from its braids that always supported her tiara, and was instead pulled back with a black ribbon.
…She looked so charming and so cute that it honestly stole my breath away for nearly a minute as she declared our plans for the day.

First of all, she wanted to go shopping.
She wanted more clothes for times when we had to go out together with her in physical form, and that I understood.
…Beyond it being more practical to have a few outfits instead of one that continually must be washed, as a girl who cares about her appearance, of course she would have to want a greater variety of clothes to choose from.

I was ready for that alone to take a great deal of time, but she was done with the department store after an hour.

She wanted to stop by the bookstore, and we did that as well.
She wasn’t interested in novels, but bought three different cookbooks filled with recipes and kitchen advice.
…I shouldn’t have been surprised at all.

After that we went out to lunch.
It was a relatively cheap okonomiyaki bar, and we stopped by a stand on the street to buy taiyaki afterward, as Yggdra wanted to try something with red beans in it.
Apparently she had already read that it was often used in Japanese sweets.
…At any rate, it got her seal of approval.

We stopped back by the house to drop off all of our things, and then we ventured back out.
…I asked Yggdra what we possibly had left to do, and—

“Now we’re going to play, of course!”

—she gave me an answer like that as though it was obvious, smiling widely.
…I just can’t keep up.

…Well.
Although Yggdra looked curiously at the arcades in the mall, she vetoed them.
A girl of her era wouldn’t know how to play video games, so that’s no wonder.
…Instead.
She dragged me down to the batting cages.

“…I wouldn’t have figured.”
I have no experience playing baseball, of course.
…I’ve kept my body fit, but that’s because health is important to using magic properly, and simple fitness doesn’t have anything to do with playing sports.
Besides, baseball is an essentially Japanese and American kind of thing.
The only sports equipment I know how to handle is a tennis racquet, and that only barely.
…Yggdra was fine with my sitting things out as long as I still kept her company.
She asked about the rules and they must have figured her for a foreigner, as the staff explained things to her simply and completely.

Since then, she’s been hitting every pitch the machine throws at her.

“—”

The damndest part is that she’s not even “cheating” by using her superior reflexes and strength as a Servant.
She has strong hand-eye coordination and apparently quite a bit of upper arm strength, and she is tireless.
…I certainly wasn’t expecting her to be one of those girls who shies away from the ball with undignified squeaking noises, but even so.
There’s nothing but the sway of Yggdra’s hair and the steady crack of bat against ball.
She is elegant and powerful.
Especially for someone unfamiliar with modern sports, her form is quite good.
…Even an outsider like myself can tell that much.

“…An outsider like me, huh.”

…Well, I understand.
No matter our relation, and completely setting aside the problem of Master and Servant, Yggdra and I are entirely alien to each other in some ways.
We were raised in incompatible eras.
…I’m happy with my books, and here she is doing this to pass the time.
…I’m a magus who isn’t worth the title, reluctant to soak my hands in blood, and she is a warrior.
If she is like Atalanta, then I am simply a watcher in the stands.

It’s like a wall.
Not solid, not even a paper screen like in a traditional Japanese house.
…It’s a solid wall of glass.
We can stare at each other across it all we like.
We can even communicate, since it doesn’t block sound or anything like that.
…We’ll just never quite be able to “meet in the middle”.
That concept doesn’t apply to us.

…I can’t keep up with her.

Only by thinking that do I realize that there’s a part of me that wants to.
…Well, that’s only natural.
She’s a beautiful girl, she’s strong, and she’s kind.
She does what she can to look after me.
…But an important component of relationships is that they really should be between equals.
There’s no way for a man like me to be an equal to her.

On the other side of the wire fencing, Yggdra shakes her hair back and sets down the bat.
She looks refreshed, happy, and confident.
…Honestly.
I may as well be a little boy looking at her portrait again.

But as I think that.
“How did I do?”
She comes out from behind the wire and prances up to me like an excitable puppy.
Her chest is puffed up and her smile spills over.

……Was she trying to show off for me?

“—You shouldn’t be allowed in here.”

“E-ehh?!”
She goes exaggeratedly pale with shock and pouts.
“—And just what do you mean by that?”

“Hmm, well, it’s not fair, is it?
“Even professional sports players would put their equipment away, bow their heads, and apologize for sullying the art of baseball after watching what you just did the first time you picked up a bat.
“—I’m saying you’re something else.”

She crosses her arms, but she’s smiling up at me.
“If you say it like that, you’ll make innocent girls cry.
“—When you want to praise someone, you need to be honest about it.”

…For now.
It’s enough for me that I can make her smile.
She’s my Servant, and I am her Master.
…This is transient.
Everything will be over after the war ends.

And after that, we walk.
…It was getting towards sundown, and the sky was starting to be stained deep orange.
Of course, since we’re out, we’ll be eating dinner out as well.
I’ve told Yggdra about a number of places, and she’ll take her pick.
She walks ahead of me with her hands clasped behind her back.
…I can’t tell what she’s thinking, but there’s a smile on her face.

“Did you enjoy today?”
I ask her back.

She looks at me a little curiously.
“—Well, what about you?”

…I’m not sure what she means, but I think about it.
“It’s much better than staying in the house, at least.”
I smile for her.
“I’d rather be around you when you’re having fun than just sitting still.
“If you’re enjoying yourself, that’s enough for me.”

She shakes her head a little as though my answer was expected but disappointing somehow.
…I don’t know why.

“Roswell.
“You know—we are supposed to be out today to give you a break.
“I’m here having fun, but it’s important that you do things you like, too.”

“…Well.
“I’m really just in this city to participate in the war, after all.
“—There isn’t much here that I do because it’s fun. So the most fun thing for me is probably watching you enjoy yourself.”
I answer her honestly.

Yggdra looks very sad for a moment.
“—”
And she sighs.
“…I suppose that’s always the trouble with this type of thing, isn’t it?
“I’ll be happy as long as you are, but you say you’ll be happy if I am.
“I think the name they gave to that type of thing was a moebius loop, and no matter how self-perpetuating it is, the question is how we get into it.”

She stops still and turns to face me fully.
“—”
Her eyes… are so blue.
It’s an unfathomable color.
She smiles and reaches up.
…Something soft and cold touches the sides of my face.

She holds me in delicate hands that have enough power to crush me.
“Roswell.
“I may be fighting for the Grail selfishly, but I’m also fighting to protect your smile.
“Exploring this place with you is fun, but it would be much more so if you allowed yourself to enjoy it too, you know.”

And she lets me go.
…She’s smiling.
I.
I don’t know what to say or what to do.

“You can decide on where to have dinner for yourself.
“I’m fine with anything, and trying out new things is exciting.”

…
……I think she may be too much for me in more ways than one.
But all the same.
…We’re together for now.
We’re together for now, so even if I admire her so strongly that there’s just no hope for me, I want to live this time with no regrets.

“—I know a good place.
“It’s rather simple, but as long as that’s all right—”

Yggdra smiles at me.
Her gaze is as bright as the release of any Servant’s Noble Phantasm.

…
……
It really was a simple place, but Yggdra seems pleased.
I love the calming atmosphere in this bistro, and we were able to get a booth next to the window, best of all.
The meal is over, and we both look out the window.

“—Is it very strange?”
I can’t help but ask her.
“Being in a time like this, where everything is so different.”

“It’s not so different, really.”
Yggdra says that while balancing her face on the heels of her hands, staring out at the people passing by.
“—The things that people wear and the transportation has changed, and the lights in my city weren’t so many different colors, but I think most of the important things have stayed the same.
“Everyone is doing their best, living in the middle of their own stories.
“Some people are happy, and some are struggling, but every one of them is a distinct and precious life.”

“—Hmm.”
Her face is lit by the streetlights from one side and the interior lighting on the other.
It seems like I’m getting to see many different sides to her today.
…If thus far I’ve been seeing Yggdra the warrior and Yggdra the ordinary girl, then this must be Yggdra the queen.
She sounds as though she is very used to thinking of the masses as individuals.

“What is it?”
She has noticed me smiling at her.

“Well, I was just thinking that you really do seem like a queen like this.
“I don’t think that many people would be considering all these strangers the way that you do.”
Even I only think of the civilians as possible casualties who can’t become involved, very distantly at that, because it’s the way that I’ve been taught.
Yggdra looks at them as though they really are each individually humans with worth.
“I’ve only been handed down the stories of how you ruled, but it seems to me that you really must have been good at it.”

Yggdra continues to smile, but at the same time she shakes her head.
“I suppose I was all right.
“If I had truly been a good ruler…”
…Her voice trails off and she goes on staring out the window.
If she’d been truly been a good ruler… then what?
“—Yggdra?”
She turns back to me when I call her name with a disoriented expression.
…Hmm.
Even if she remembers the topic, she’ll probably try to avoid it.
So.
“Did you want to try dessert here before we go home?
“They have a lot of chocolates and some fruit-based pastries as well.”

Our fingers brush for just a moment as I hand her the card with the menu on it.
“—”
It’s just for a moment, but my skin feels hot from it.
She smiles at me and examines the list.

“—Oh, they have strawberry and chocolate cheesecake!
“I think I do want to try this, if that’s all right.”

“Of course.”
…There are so many different sides to this girl.
I don’t know if I’ll ever know the “real” her.
…Honestly, even just as Master and Servant, I still don’t think I deserve her.
But all the same.
I want to stay with her.
…Because I want her to keep smiling, and because I want to uncover more and more about who she is underneath everything else.
…Because in the end, being around her makes it easier to breathe.
It makes bearing my duty as a magus more bearable.

It’s inevitable that this will end.
She is my Servant, and no matter what happens, she will disappear after this war is over.
…Even if that weren’t the case, I don’t think I would be enough to keep her here.
I can’t lie to myself and say that I’m not attracted to her, that I’m not charmed by her.
……But a woman is not something that a man can lay claim to.
All I can do is appreciate that she is here now.
All I can do is support her to the best of my ability in return for the way she cares about me.

…And so I buy Yggdra the cheesecake.
She seems to have really enjoyed herself today and I try not to think too hard about the bliss on her face as she finishes off the strawberries, as I might embarrass myself here in public if I do.
She is genuinely pleased, and I am pleased that she is pleased.
…I think Yggdra was a little bit wrong about today.
This isn’t a self-perpetuating, inaccessible loop joining her happiness to mine.
Yggdra is a girl who can find enjoyment in a lot of different things, and it’s fun and relaxing for me just to be with her.
If I can keep her entertained, then I’m happy.

We walk home together.
…I’ve learned a lot today about her.
I’ve learned about the kinds of clothes she likes, and that she actually is serious about learning how to cook.
I’ve learned that even without her abilities as a Servant, she is strong and athletic.
I’ve learned that there is even more to her that I may never be able to see.

…Certainly, none of this is relevant to the war.
But Servants are people despite being heroes, and if we’re working and living together it’s to our benefit to know as much about each other as we can.

……I have also learned that…

She really is just how I always thought she would be.

“Thank you.”
Yggdra says so as we reenter the house and I close the boundary field behind us.
“—I know this was just my idea and I dragged you along, but I had fun and I hope that you did as well.”
“—I did have fun.
“And I should be thanking you.”

She smiles at me.
Yggdra smiles up at me with a little bit of mischief on her face.
…I almost want to touch her face and stroke the stray strands of hair out of her eyes.
But I restrain myself.

“—It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date.
“This one was pretty enjoyable, so I should thank you, Roswell—”

“—”
My mind freezes.
Before my frozen thoughts can react, Yggdra is already making her way across the house with prancing steps, disappearing toward the stairs as if she doesn’t have a care in the world.

All at once.
I barely know who I am and what’s happening to me.
All that’s left is the vague impression of her, and my bewildered sense of wonder at the words she left me—

[Fate/ninth heaven] re:Birth; folie à deux [route II, day 8]

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