flightworks | [Fate/ninth heaven] Vagrant Grail Cadenza; Aries [route III, day 12]

Masterlist and readme are here.

Aries

—This is the story of someone dear to me.

The land that the young captain arrived in at the end of his quest for answers was a dead place.
In ancient times, many great wars and calamities had happened here, and the result was that centuries later the entire country was still an arid wasteland.
…According to his information, this was the place that the final battle with his demon ancestor had been fought.
Therefore, it was here that people were carrying out research on that demon, and if anyone could assist him in removing the seal on his blood this should be the place.

It didn’t take much investigating to discover the old shrines, and from there on he and his army quickly attracted the attention of the workers there.
When he told them why he had come, their response was a worried kind of silence.
…And.
They brought out a certain woman.

By her clothing, she was a great priestess or oracle of some sort, and she introduced herself as the head researcher in the area.
When the young captain begged her for her aid—she did not directly reply.
…When she spoke, it was as if in riddles.
Actually, her meaning was extremely plain.
She lamented that the young captain had come here, and recalled that after her departure his father had come to blame him, and that blame had been the cause of the abuse he had gone through as a child.
The implications were extremely clear.
It wasn’t that she was being obtuse, but that the young captain was so bewildered by the revelation of his mother’s identity and her whereabouts for the majority of his life that he had great difficulty understanding.

In a dry voice like broken leaves on earth about to frost over, she explained.
That she had known since her son was still in infancy that he had inherited inhuman blood, and that she believed the ancient dragon’s power could only bring people misery.
Fearing that even if he never suffered a complete inversion impulse, he would be used by others due to his powers, she had attempted to seal them.
And, in order to create a truly permanent seal, she had left the family to carry out her research alone.

…In clinical tones, she explained.
That no matter how the young captain desired to break the seal, she would not lift it.
That if he really wanted his birthright and the ability to determine his own fate rather than live the life she had decided for him, he must kill her and destroy her spell.
She called his power inhuman, and told him that he must therefore throw away his humanity in order to claim it.
Subjugate his kindness, his hesitation, his fears.
If the blood of demons running through his veins was a power that would not allow mercy, a power fit for those who sought to crush others under their feet, then matricide should be a fitting ritual for him to claim it.

She took up her weapon.
In absolute tones that would allow no argument or negotiation, she demanded that her son strike her down and bathe in her blood, or that he leave and give up for all eternity.

…I cannot hope to understand.
What that boy felt at that time, how overwhelmed he must have been and the weight of his shock and his despair at so many brutal revelations all at once.
The pain of being battered by such words from an existence that should have protected and guided him instead, for the third time in his life.
I, brought into this world by gods and not as the fruit of a mother’s womb, would be insulting him if I claimed to understand.

It’s just that at that time.
In my memories, and reflected before me in his own—the silhouette of the young captain seemed very frail and forlorn.

…But.
Questioning his resolve, ill with self-doubt and horror at what he had been ordered to do—
The young captain thought of the girl who had died because of his weakness.
The woman standing before him on the battlefield had given birth to him, but that girl had been his mother in every other sense of the word.
She had sheltered him, raised him, given him hope and strength and supported him emotionally for all this time.
…He had failed to save her, but if he did this thing he would obtain power enough to prevent such a tragedy from ever happening again, and furthermore become capable of burning down the corrupt and unjust world that had been the root of all their suffering.
And once he had done so, he would use that power to create a new world that sheltered and cradled the weak rather than exploiting them.
If this was his only choice at ever obtaining power—then what of his love for the girl who had raised him, if he could not win?

And the boy took up his spear and rode into battle.

Underneath a blistering sun.
After an entire day’s worth of terrible combat, he forced down his bile and his reservations and he struck down the mother who tore him apart with her cruel words and her coldness.

…And, unbelievably.
Losing the fight and mortally injured, she smiled placidly and broke the seal herself.
Willingly, she returned to him everything: The blood and the power and the true name she had stolen away.
The seal had been held in place by the false name he had believed to be his, and weakened as it was by the emotional trauma he had suffered, taking back his original name would shatter it.
…For the first time in his memory.
She smiled at him like a parent, and scolded him not to let his power rule him.
She told him that she believed in him, and she died.

He did not understand, and he did not know how he should feel.
—All that he knew was that he at last held the key to revolution in his hands.

He buried his mother.
…For the fourth time in his short life, he sent a parent off to the other world.

As the army made preparations to leave the shrine.
The young captain retrieved a scythe from the ritual tools kept in the ancient building.
It was a weapon he had never handled, and it was fragile with age, but a skilled blacksmith could combine its blade with his spear.
With this new weapon in hand—he performed the funeral rites for the child he had been.

“—From today onward, my name will be Gulcasa.
“I’ll forget my other name in time. It was a weak name.”

He held his head up and encouraged himself with words like that.
Even the woman who had birthed him did not consider him human any longer, and so he must walk the path to his chosen future unflinchingly.

…But on the road to return to the empire, to begin the war that would free his country and save his fellow poor—
Given his physical and emotional state, it was inevitable.
Unable to bear the sickness of the body that burned as it tried to cope with the sudden freedom of its blood, and the sickness of the heart and mind that had witnessed so much loss in so short a time—the young captain finally collapsed.

The boy who was his surviving childhood friend was not there to support him.
It was only to be expected, for he knew that his childhood friend would have preferred the girl he loved to have survived instead.

The traveling warrior who had tutored him in the ways of the world was not there to support him.
He didn’t understand the reason, but ever since the battle against the landgrave she had been avoiding him.

…It was all right.
Delirious and unable to move his body, he accepted it with a tranquil sort of pain.
He wasn’t the only one sick at heart from the girl’s loss.
In order to see this battle through to the end, he would simply have to shoulder his emotions and keep leading the others.
Even if they couldn’t be by his side right now, this was still possible for him—he deluded himself with thoughts like that.

…But the young captain who would become the general of the revolution once he crossed the empire’s borders was not alone.
Physically and emotionally drained by the recent events, bereft of the two surviving people he was used to relying upon—there were still loving comrades at his side.
It was the prophet who was the first to reach out and support him, when he had lost the strength to go on and had forgotten that simple fact.
And after that—the bashful knight, and the twin girls, and the witch, and the former thief… every single one of them.

…He wasn’t alone.
The boy that he loved was there. The friends he trusted were there.
While his body was still unstable, and while his heart was still about to break with all his grief and shock, he could still draw strength from them.
Even in the times that he didn’t know what to believe in anymore, he could still believe in their bonds.
With their help and support, surely he would be able to master his demon blood, and have it become the weapon that they needed so desperately to save the empire.

…That didn’t mean that the pain went away all at once.
But even so.
He was able to stand, and face forward once again, with all the fires of his determination building towards the battle that lay in wait—

…My body is burning hot.
My limbs are made of melting lead.
—It’s hot.
Even when I try to get up to avoid the heat, my body won’t move properly.
I know this feeling.
This is the sensation of my body straining to bear the aftermath of a Servant’s defeat.

“—”
Wild panting escapes when I breathe.
I feel dizzy, but it should clear.
Certainly the capacity is rather more crowded, but at the same time I had very little prana left in my body last night when Lancer was defeated, and Gulcasa depleted most of his stores of prana as well.
The connection between us is functioning just fine, so as long as he’s taking larger quantities to make up, then some of my ability to control my body should be returning soon.

It should really be coming back soon.
…It’s hot and uncomfortable here, so with a vague thought that I should get to somewhere cooler in order to get control over my body back, I move towards the side of the bed.

…There’s a loud noise.
Dizzying movement.
I close my eyes for a moment—

And when I open them, I’m staring up into Roswell’s face.
“—Oh.”
My voice comes out vaguely.
I can tell that I’m lying on the floor.
It’s not quite as hot, which is pleasant, but my shoulders and the back of my head hurt rather a lot, as if I just rammed them into something.

…I suppose the implication here is that I somehow rolled or fell out of the bed.

“Are you all right?
“You shouldn’t move when your body is in this state; you could have called someone to help you get up.”
Roswell scolds me.
I’m not entirely sure what to make of this development.

“—I’d prefer to skip the lecture for now, if you don’t mind.
“My body feels rather feverish, so I’d like to get somewhere that I can cool down.”

“—Right, I understand.
“Bear with me, and I can help you get downstairs. It’ll take some time, but after the rough time you’ve had lately, it’s only understandable that you’re not functioning too well.
“And then I can fix something cold for you to eat.”
It’s not until Roswell has carefully positioned me with an arm over his shoulders as if to help me walk that I start to wonder.

“…Please don’t take this as my being ungrateful for your help.
“But why are you here?”

Roswell sighs.
“I suppose that Yggdra could also carry you if you want to move more quickly, but I don’t know how comfortable you would be with that arrangement.
“As for Gulcasa, he’s been asleep since we arrived here last night. It was too difficult to move him to another room, so between Yggdra and myself we got him onto the sofa and let him be.
“…His prana levels are a little bit low, but his body seems more or less normal otherwise. He was probably just worn out emotionally and got tired, so we decided to let him rest.”

…That’s quite a while for Gulcasa to sleep.
Then again, the problem with that particular Noble Phantasm is that it costs a lot of energy.
When Gulcasa was alive, that cost was mitigated somewhat because part of the way his Reality Marble works is by taking small amounts of prana from all those fighting alongside him.
Even in this state it was enough for him to easily overwhelm the disarmed Lancer, but on the battlefield where he was at the head of an army, it was a truly fearsome spectacle to behold.

—Reality Marble, Genocide.
A scenery passed down through the hearts and minds of all the true inheritors of the demonic dragon Brongaa’s blood.
Incidentally, the way that that spell would ordinarily work would be to drain the lesser lives surrounding the caster until they die, or close to the point of death.
But Gulcasa rarely uses it in that method.
I would suppose that for him it is a matter of principle, as all his life he has preferred to sacrifice his own life and health rather than those of the people dependent on him if at all possible.
Even to save his own life, he would have to be strongly coerced into sacrificing another.
It’s both a good thing and a bad thing, for a lot of reasons.
Anyhow, Gulcasa’s strength and the strength of his Reality Marble are a matter of the power of his bonds with others.
Borrowing the strength of his men, he would fight as a single man with the power of a full-fledged army, making him an incredibly dangerous opponent.

The trouble is that in times when he has no army at his disposal, Gulcasa must initiate the Reality Marble solely using his own internal stores of energy.
When he was alive, he would do so and push himself into terrible illnesses, making his already fragile health even more unstable.
…Now, as a Servant, I would estimate that if he uses his Reality Marble more than once within a certain span of time, he would need emergency treatment or he might not be able to manifest himself, let alone fight afterwards.
Supplication of extra prana, through sex or the sacrifice and consumption of human souls.
It goes without saying that Gulcasa would only be able to tolerate one of these methods without serious persuasion and even the application of another Command Spell.
Anyway, the prana cost of Genocide is incredibly high when Gulcasa imposes it all on his own body.
If he’s sleeping to conserve energy he should be all right, which is a good thing because I don’t know if I’m steady enough to handle intercourse right now.
In various ways.

…Even amongst Heroic Spirits, the possession of a Reality Marble is apparently relatively rare.
This makes those who use them even more distinctive, and is an especially obvious marker to any given hero’s identity.
Between that and the sheer bad gas mileage involved, I would have been happy if Gulcasa had managed to go the entire war without casting Genocide, but what’s done is done.
It’s a trump card because it secures victory, but its potential cost is still quite grave.

At any rate.
While I’m still spaced-out, Roswell brings me to the bathroom and has me undress halfway so that he can carefully sponge off the nape of my neck and my back while I wipe down my chest and arms.
It still does bother me a bit, even if Roswell’s businesslike doctor air isn’t as grating as Gulcasa’s awkward tenderness, but it feels so nice to wash off my sweat and cool down my body that I don’t care.

After that, I am brought downstairs.
Roswell smiles apologetically as he settles me at the table and departs for the kitchen in order to make breakfast.
…It’s only when I smell fruit pancakes that I really realize how hungry I am.
Maybe it’s just that being half starved this entire time has conflicted with getting regular meals at Roswell’s, but I didn’t notice hunger yesterday and now that I’m thinking about it my stomach actually hurts.

Gulcasa is asleep on the sofa, just as Roswell said.
He doesn’t move all through breakfast.
As Roswell and Yggdra move about and make noise, he still doesn’t wake until the clock reads noon.

“—Nessiah?”
When he does get up, his body is very sluggish.
Uncoordinated, Gulcasa tries to drag his body up, but trips and nearly collapses.

“Honestly, be more careful!”
Yggdra scolds him, nearly yelling.

“—Hey, you shut up. I’m not concerned with you, it’s just that Nessiah doesn’t look very good right now, so—”
With his head tilted to one side and his body listing towards the wall, Gulcasa complains.
I sigh.
“…You don’t look all that well yourself.
“Sit down; we can always move breakfast to the coffee table if that will be more comfortable.”

…And so.
With breakfast taken care of and the dishes put away, Gulcasa and I are left sitting side by side on the sofa.
Roswell and Yggdra have both sat down in chairs, so that we’re all facing each other over the coffee table.
This is the same setup as our strategy meeting several days ago, when I first awakened after arriving here, and despite that we’re all drinking tea and relaxing there’s an echo of that kind of tension remaining in the atmosphere.

Finally.
Roswell sets his teacup down in the saucer, folds his arms, and looks at me directly.
“Pardon my bluntness, but I believe I will get straight to the point.
“From the information that I have, the actions of Avenger’s Master over the past two days make no sense.
“When she attacked you here, she did not kill you and instead captured you. As an enemy Master, she should have no advantage of not eliminating one of her foes.
“—She apparently did try to force you to kill Gulcasa, but only after she had captured you instead of right away, implying that holding on to you was her top priority.
“It’s incomprehensible, unless I accept that Yellma’s actions were planned out and deliberate, and that she had some kind of advantage to gain from simply possessing you.
“…There’s more. Aside from her attack—your sickness and its cause are just too suspicious.
“You were doing well for days, actually starting to recover, and even Yellma’s contamination of your Magic Circuit was unable to faze you.
“But following Lancer’s defeat, you immediately started to worsen again. Even though Gulcasa was taking extra prana from you through your Master-Servant bond to make up for the stunt he pulled last night, your body has returned to having dangerously high prana levels.
“—I think I’m right to suspect that there might be some kind of connection.”

…I wait and hear him out.
Apparently finished, Roswell sighs.
He looks down as if holding his regrets.

“…Nessiah.
“You and I are allies, and to me an alliance carries the meaning of mutual trust.
“Even knowing that you and Gulcasa might not be able to aid us in battle, we opened our home to you in belief that we could trust you, in exchange for cessation of hostility.
“So—is it really that unreasonable to ask that you explain what this is?
“It appears as though Yggdra and I may be in danger due to whatever you’re keeping concealed, and so I think that we have a right to know.”

Roswell says something a little bit selfish and stares at me.
Yggdra is watching him discreetly rather than looking at me, but I can tell by the way that her body isn’t fully turned towards him that she’s still interested in my answer.

“—Nessiah.”
Gulcasa turns partially toward me.
It’s a gesture as if to shield me, and his eyes ask me if it’s really all right.

I let my breath out in a sigh.
I’m grateful for his concern, but I can’t really pretend that this is a conversation that could just be put off indefinitely.
I might have been naïve enough to think so at one point, but I know better now.

“…I know.
“I don’t think that it’s possible to just keep everyone in the dark about this forever.
“But—it’s difficult to know where to begin.”

I look down at the teacup in my lap.
Taking a deep breath, I decide on a starting point.

“—Roswell.
“How much do you know about how the Fuyuki Grail functions?”

“Eh—well, I’ve done research using documents from the Association since the house of Verlaine was marked to receive a Command Spell in the sixth war, but…”
Roswell trails off, folds his arms, and makes a face as if he’s preparing to recite something.
“The Holy Grail summons the Servants, who pair up with Masters and determine who is worthy of it.
“—Over the course of the war, the Holy Grail fills up proportionally to the number of Servants defeated, so that when there’s only one Servant left standing the Grail is complete and may be claimed by the winner… something like that.”

“I see, so that’s the kind of propaganda that the Association has been putting about to keep people interested.
“…The Holy Grail in this land isn’t something so innocent as that.”

Roswell is looking at me uneasily.
Yggdra’s gaze is very sharp, and Gulcasa’s is steadfast.
There’s quite a great deal of pressure coming from the three of them, but if I’m going to explain then I must do it from the basics to make them understand.

“…First of all.
“The Holy Grail of Fuyuki is comprised of two entities.
“The Grand Grail is the great magic circle inscribed into the terrain of Fuyuki, created by the Einzbern, the Tohsaka, and the Makiri families at the beginning of the cycle.
“It’s a self-perpetuating ritual with no will, and as long as it has a functional core and the components that make up the magic circle are intact, it will start up the Holy Grail War all on its own every time there is enough prana in the land.
“Ordinarily this takes cycles of up to sixty years, an extraordinary amount of prana—it’s distributing Command Spells and summoning Servants, so that’s to be expected.
“The shorter cycles of the fifth and sixth wars are due to the previous battles leaving a great residue of mana behind that could be reused immediately.
“Then there’s the Lesser Grail, which is traditionally prepared by the Einzbern for each war.
“The Lesser Grail is the container used to fill the Grand Grail and open the completed Holy Grail at the end of the war.
“…And I’ll just explain this now. The Lesser Grail does not fill up proportionally to the number of Servants defeated.
“The Fuyuki Grail War is not a ritual to determine ownership of the Holy Grail. It is a ritual to create the Holy Grail.
“…The Einzbern desired to regain the Third Magic, Heaven’s Feel.
“The Tohsaka desired to reach the Origin, and the Makiri desired immortality.
“The Holy Grail is a relic powerful enough to grant one of these desires, as a true Grail would build a bridge even to the Origin itself.
“Aside from the two instances of Heaven’s Fall, the inverted moon—the Grail fills with colorless prana that can be used however the victor pleases.
“But, that which fills and creates the Grail is the processed prana of the Servants.
“The Servants are sacrifices prepared to create the Holy Grail. When they are defeated, they flow into the Lesser Grail.
“Once six Servants are dead, the Grail is usable, and when it opens its colorless prana will flow out. If seven—or more, in this war and the past one—were to die, the Grail would open up its bridge to Akasha.
“…That is the truth of the Holy Grail War.”

I look directly at Roswell and tell him plainly and unflinchingly.
I don’t spare a glance for either Yggdra or Gulcasa.
…I fully expect both of them to be extremely displeased.
This is a ritual that perverts the Heroic Spirits for the selfishness of humanity.

Roswell covers his face with a hand.
Horror and understanding war on his fine features.

“But—wait.
“Isn’t that strange?
“The Grand Grail is an automatic machine, and the Einzbern just left it alone?
“No, more than that—the Einzbern aren’t even participating in this war, so why—”

“…I see you’ve come upon the heart of the matter.
“The Einzbern have gotten what they wanted out of the Holy Grail War, and no longer participate. The other two families are not available to participate either.
“Even if the Grand Grail were to continue according to its function, you would like to say that the war should not be possible without an Einzbern vessel, or a Lesser Grail prepared by Tohsaka or Makiri—yes?”

Roswell nods very slowly.
I can feel myself beginning to smile bitterly.

“—Well, you should relax, because the Einzbern aren’t irresponsible enough to just start up a ritual and keep it going forever.
“They didn’t want to share their spoils with Tohsaka and Makiri from the start, and only asked for the land of the Tohsaka and the binding magic of the Makiri necessary for this ritual very begrudgingly.
“So, as you might expect, when the Einzbern were satisfied, they shut down the core of the Grand Grail. The Fuyuki Grail War ended with the fifth cycle.”

Roswell just stares at me in dumb lack of comprehension.
…No, he surely must be beginning to realize.

“—Do you understand?
“What is happening right now is not a formal Grail War, under the supervision of the three great families of magi.
“The Grail War ended with the fifth cycle.
“—But the Fuyuki Holy Grail is made up of three components: The Grand Grail’s core, the Grand Grail’s body, and the Lesser Grail.
“Imagine if… there was someone with a desire that would be very difficult to fulfill without the ready-processed, great amount of prana of six or more dead Servants.
“The only thing that prevents the Grand Grail from reactivating immediately is that the core is gone, and that there is no vessel to catch the blood of the dead Servants.
“So—if one were to replace the core and prepare a new vessel, it would be well within one’s power to reinstate the Holy Grail War.
“Think of it a little like a computer.
“The core is the electricity, the body is the programming, and the vessel is a disk onto which data is written.
“It’s simple to plug in a computer and turn it on so that you can use it for yourself, even if someone else shut it off, and if you bring a blank disk to put inside it, it will write data for you again.
“—If you think of it that way, this wouldn’t be possible if the Grand Grail’s magic circle had been dismantled rather than the core being shut down.
“That way, even though there would still be power, the programming that directs the Grand Grail to store up prana and distribute Command Spells would not function, and the ritual could not begin again.
“Even a skilled magus—even a magician probably couldn’t repair the code in the exact way of the three families, because it required the very specific combination of Einzbern, Tohsaka, and Makiri to craft such a delicate ritual.
“If you want to put it that way, the Einzbern were sloppy.
“They were finished with the computer and didn’t want it to be used by anyone else ever again, but instead of dismantling the Grand Grail, they simply destroyed the core so that it would be unusable.
“It’s difficult but not impossible to replace such a thing. The sixth, heretical Grail War being fought right now should be more than enough proof of that.”

“—”
Roswell looks down in amazement.
He’s still covering his mouth as he furrows his brow.
I can’t read all of the emotions on his face, and I don’t know how much of his disgust is directed towards me for laying all of this out so matter-of-factly.
But there’s no other way that I know how to explain such things.
…They shouldn’t have happened.
But they happened, and if there’s anything to do about that, it’s to use your anger and disgust productively to confront the one responsible.

“…I’ll digress a little, but this is about the Lesser Grail.
“The Einzbern, who are good at creating things, always prepared them.
“I’ve heard that up through the third cycle the vessel was a real grail, but it was inconvenient, and finally there was an accident where the vessel was damaged and the contents couldn’t be transmitted to anything else.
“So, after that the Einzbern grails were homunculi, especially created for the purpose of containing the Servants’ prana, because that way the Lesser Grail could defend itself to some extent.
“There are still limits to being in a human form, and it was only the final Einzbern grail that had the capacity to survive actually being used as the grail.
“—Even then, the homunculi were created to go dormant after a certain amount of prana was absorbed.
“A fully human body would be terribly damaged by the amount of prana it would have to contain, and there would be risk of permanent loss of function in some area or another.
“…So I think you realize, but if someone tried to follow the Einzberns’ example and create a cognizant, complex sentient Grail, it would have a great chance of going awry.”

“—Nessiah.
“Please—explain it more directly.
“I can’t understand what you mean.”
Roswell says so, but his eyes that hold my gaze are dark with worry.

“It should be obvious by now, but all right.
“—There is a certain person who reinstated the Holy Grail War purposely due to his entirely boring desire to become omnipotent.
“Unfortunately, that man’s ambition and hubris are matched by his talent, and he had a tool at his disposal that would make it possible to substitute a core.
“After that, he would just have to make something into the Lesser Grail, and manipulate the resulting war so that he would have a high chance of coming out on top.
“That’s the fake supervisor for this war. In addition to being the Master of Caster, he deployed Lancer’s team and the two Masters of the Riders as his pawns in the case that his own Servant should be defeated.
“…He is an extremely old and powerful magus, and has access to thaumaturgy that modern humanity has lost, so in any case it would take great power to defeat him in combat.
“And if he wins the war, he’ll simply use the power to make himself into the new god of the worlds and use them as his playthings.
“That is the nature of my enemy.”

“…Nessiah.”
Roswell stares at me.
He is very pale.
“I’m glad that you’ve explained this, but you still haven’t answered my question.
“—And… how you know all of these things.”

…Very well.
I suppose I’ll have to go through with this farce until the very end.

But.
When I am about to speak, Gulcasa stands up.

“—That’s enough.
“You already realize it, don’t you? So you shouldn’t force Nessiah to say such things.”

Gulcasa puts himself between me and Roswell and Yggdra, holding his arm out as if to shield me behind it.

“—”
The rest of the room fills with hostility as he confronts the two.
…But all I feel is gratitude.
Before I realize it, I’m smiling.

“…It’s all right.
“Honestly, the princess is involved anyway, and so I am willing to explain for her.”
…Gulcasa looks down at me as if to ask if I’m sure, and I nod to him.
After that, he sits down without complaints.

“—Wait.
“You’ve lost me. Where does Yggdra feature into this?”
Roswell is staring in confusion.
…But beside him, Yggdra is looking at me with very cold and grave eyes.

“…Roswell.
“We’ve shared each other’s memories in our dreams.
“Take a closer look at Nessiah.
“You may not recognize him—even I wasn’t sure before, but… that was definitely you at that time, wasn’t it?”

“—Yes.
“I’ve said as much straight out, haven’t I?
“But I will make it clear so that Roswell can understand it.
“I am nearly as old as that man, and we are from the same place.
“…It’s a very old conflict.
“He is a human from the world of gods, and I am a kind of angel from the world of gods—the same type of being as Lancer, to give a concrete example.
“……He was entrusted with great responsibility and power after the war that caused the gods’ downfall, and desires more and more power still until he can replace the gods in truth instead of just in name.
“Whereas I was born to fight in that war, and when I refused to fight in it, I was tortured and cast out as punishment.”
I can feel myself smiling bitterly.
“—We are different existences from modern humanity, he and I.
“He is effectively immortal by grace of a Noble Phantasm gifted to him by the gods, and I am immortal as a part of my punishment.
“…The full story of my involvement with these two is quite long and is neither here nor there in perspective of our original topic, but there was a time when I sought vengeance against my original world for the injustice perpetrated against me, and that man in particular for the hand he had in it.
“That was the selfish reason behind my actions at the time.
“My having met Gulcasa changed my perspective somewhat, but before I could make a choice as to whether or not I should abandon my quest for revenge—well, being this woman’s distant descendant, you should be aware of the battle between them and how it ended.
“My body was destroyed by the murder princess here as I tried to protect Gulcasa, and by the time a new one was ready for me to use, it was too late for me to do anything.
“—I gave up. Some time later, that man found me, and I have been the subject of his less-than-pleasant attentions for a long time.
“How my own rather uninteresting and foolish story connects to the topic at hand is this—the immortality I have been cursed with, the true Heaven’s Feel of the gods that manipulates my soul, was judged by that man to be similar enough to the arts of the Einzbern to become the new wellspring of the Grand Grail’s power.
“And one of the things I most dislike about him is his tendency to be annoyingly correct in these matters.

“—I will be frank.
“The remains of my original form, which include the chains of the gods’ judgment upon me, are currently being used as the core of the Grand Grail.
“My body—this body…, is the Lesser Grail.
“My apparent sickness, and the way that my body is malfunctioning, is because it is not suitable for containing the dead Servants’ prana.
“I have no safe outlet for this prana except to exhaust my own natural stores. My body is not the correct sex, either—like the Einzbern homunculi who came before me, the vessel in specific is my heart, but a body capable of pregnancy and childbirth would be much more appropriate.
“The uterus is a natural reservoir for prana, and religious symbology is not the only reason why it is referred to as the ‘grail’ of the human body.

“What this means is that the Holy Grail cannot be opened without either my opening it, or someone using my body to do so.
“I do not know how Yellma found out the truth, but the reason she kidnapped me was to attempt to force me to open the Grail for her.
“—Her plan seemed to be to coerce me to kill Gulcasa through torture and then use her remaining Command Spells to force Avenger into suicide, thus bringing the total of defeated Servants to six and bringing the Grail to a usable state.
“…Additionally, this means that it is not an option for me to simply remain out of the way until the Grail War is over.
“Yellma will attempt to capture me again, and once the other Servants are dead, that man will surely come for me himself.
“And I do not intend to simply lie down and allow myself to be used.
“—I escaped that man and summoned Gulcasa because the Holy Grail is mine and mine alone. It is my body, and I will allow trespass upon my body no further.
“Besides. I have—my own wish to grant.”

…After that, the room went silent.
Yggdra’s expression was extremely cold, and Roswell had a complicated look on his face, as though he wasn’t sure whether or not to be sorry he had asked me anything to begin with.
A long pause commenced in which I finished the last of my very cold tea.
Finally, Roswell thanked me very gently for telling him everything, and said that he and Yggdra needed to talk in private about their plans from now on.

…Gulcasa, steadier and more awake, is standing in the kitchen.
He has taken out a frying pan, a bottle of olive oil, a grater, and potatoes, and he is steadily grating the potatoes.
The air about him is deceptively nonchalant, but on second glance his posture is very alert and he is standing in such a way that he is ready to react to anything that might happen.

…The reason for this is the argumentative voices from deeper into the house.
Even I can’t make out what they’re saying, but they’ve been going for quite some time now and show no signs of stopping.

All I can do is wait for them to decide what to do.
…I honestly can’t blame them for being upset, as they’ve been deceived about the nature of this contest straight from its general premise, and furthermore there is no way they could have been aware of just what they were getting into by agreeing to shelter us.
If one or both of them are getting cold feet, there’s only so angry that I could get at them.
It’s just that waiting for them to finish shouting at each other and decide what to do with Gulcasa and I is very exhausting.

Gulcasa stands in the kitchen and grates the potatoes.
I don’t know whether he’s cooking as a means to soften the atmosphere or just for the sake of doing something with his hands.

“…Nessiah.”
When he speaks his voice is quiet enough that it does not drown out the distant arguing.
“I think I’ve got a good guess at what you’re thinking right now.
“…I don’t intend to persecute you for having a fatalistic attitude towards our situation, but I want you to know that if those two come back here and try to throw us out or to attack us—I won’t forgive that.
“If they betray our trust and the courage you showed in explaining everything, I’ll personally kill them both and feast on their souls to make myself stronger.”
His words are hard and very cold.

“—Gulcasa.”
“That’s the absolute worst case scenario, and I really hope it doesn’t come to that.
“…But still. I’m your ally first and foremost.
“The situation is different from what it was before, and if it’s to protect you then I will show no mercy to anyone.”

Calmly.
Gulcasa arranges the prepared ingredients and turns the stove on, warming up the pan.
He’s quiet for a while longer.
The sound of oil popping makes a counterpoint to the distant sound of voices.

“—It’s out of our hands now.
“However this shakes down, we’ll deal with it when the time comes.
“Until then, though, you need to eat more than just that little bit of breakfast, so I’m making latkes for you. Finish as much as you can, you need the carbohydrates.”
“—”
I’m disarmed by the words, and all I can do is laugh.
…When Gulcasa finally peeks over his shoulder at me, he’s smiling gently.

“—Really now, this isn’t the time for such things!
“Just think what a shock those two will have if they return to find us in the middle of foreplay, of all things.”
Gulcasa bursts out laughing, a bright and kind sound.
“Hey, I think that kind of thing needs to wait a while so that we’re both more stable physically—though, that does remind me, I still need to steal some oil while they’re not paying attention.
“When I’m seducing you for real, you can look forward to a much more extravagant meal than just a simple plate of latkes.
“No, I’m just making you something warm so that it’ll fill you up, and it’ll be easier for you to go to sleep when we know what’s going to happen next.”

Finished cooking, Gulcasa leaves the pan on the stovetop to cool off, and we sit on the living room sofa with two plates’ worth of pancakes made from shredded potato.
They’re warm and just a little greasy, and I can tell with one bite that Gulcasa has used a slightly lighter hand with the seasonings of black pepper and lemon juice than he normally does, resulting in a plain and comforting taste of starchy potato fried to a golden crisp in olive oil.
It’s decadent just sitting and eating when we’re not even at the kitchen table.
The warmth of the food is relaxing, and I think that if not for the tension of waiting for the others to return I might actually fall asleep.

In the end there’s enough time for Gulcasa to go and put the dishes away.
…But just like the smell of oil and potato, the warmth lingers in the air, and we sit in comfortable silence.
Even though I can’t move, and even though all I can do is wait.
…Right now it’s enough to know that Gulcasa will definitely defend me.

It’s the middle of the afternoon by the time that Roswell and Yggdra return.
They stand shoulder to shoulder, facing us united with their hands touching slightly.

“…We’ve talked things over.”
As he was the one to question me, Roswell is also the one to deliver the verdict.

“We talked about a lot of things—what you’ve told us, the Grail War and its direction, what to do from now on…
“And—I’m sorry it took so long, but we’ve come to a decision.
“I feel like we should be apologizing, because it can’t have been easy to wait not knowing.”

Roswell avoids my gaze and talks as if he feels guilty.

“…This Grail War isn’t something that we can accept.
“It’s an insult to the Heroic Spirits, and it’s a perversion even of the original ritual.
“But—”

Yggdra interrupts.
“…It would be very easy to simply withdraw from the war.
“I could have Roswell command me to let my magical energy dissipate, and I would simply return to the Throne right away.
“But we realized that if we did that, it would just give all of the prana that makes up this incarnation to someone else, to use for their own selfish wishes.
“So, we won’t give up the fight so easily.”

“…And on top of that, it wouldn’t feel right to just abandon you now.
“Berserker is a very powerful Servant, but Nessiah’s body will disable him more as the fight goes on, and without help it will be hard to fight against a foe like the one you described.
“—I don’t know what your wish is.
“But I think it wouldn’t be something like the wish of your enemy.
“So, if you were to somehow win this war that you were dragged into against your will… that’s an outcome that I think I, at least, could accept.”
Roswell closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“…In short.
“We’ll fight as your allies, and we’re not withdrawing from the Grail War.
“There are still a lot of things to think about, but if we defeat all of the enemies and face the end together, then there’ll be time to decide what to do with the Grail itself then.”

“Then—”
At Gulcasa’s interjection, Roswell smiles a little.
“…That’s right.
“We can’t just leave you two alone like this.
“So—this alliance will continue as it always has been, and we intend to help Gulcasa defend you from anyone that comes trying to capture and use you.”

…Hmm.
I still feel as though I can sense some discord between the two, and the way that they’ve phrased things means that I can’t rule out the possibility that our alliance will come to an abrupt end after we defeat Caster and Avenger.
…They also haven’t explicitly said that they have given up on the Holy Grail, and so I suppose I cannot let my guard down completely.
But this is better than it could have gone, and so I will simply have to accept the reality before me.

“—There’s part of that that I have to object to.”
Gulcasa goes ahead and says so baldly.

Roswell and Yggdra just look at him blankly.
He appears to interpret this as an invitation to continue speaking.

“…Look, we’re certainly happy that you’re not abandoning us and don’t intend to attack us now, but…
“In case you didn’t quite understand it when Nessiah said so—he is the Holy Grail itself.
“If you intend to forcibly use him as an object and trample over his own will for your own benefit just like everyone else, you’ll find that I won’t forgive such a thing.”

“—”
Roswell stares at him in amazement.

“—I’ll say so right now, but we would not sink so low as that.”
Yggdra answers him with pride and danger in her voice.
“Roswell has no wish for the Holy Grail, and the wish that I have fought for is not something that I want granted by the sacrifice of my fellow Heroic Spirits.
“Neither he nor I have any use for a heretical object like this contradictory grail.
“But there is one circumstance in which we would not allow either of you to access its power, and that is if you intend to use it to harm others.
“If we discover that you would take such a path, we will not hold back on even you.”

…Ah.
Given the character of these two people, there’s no mistake.
I can’t think that she is lying.

“……If that’s the case, then you can rest at ease.
“It’s true that my own wish is for personal gain, but it’s also not something that should cause hurt to other people.
“If you don’t believe my words, then once this battle is over I’ll prove it to you with my actions. Rest at ease.”

…Roswell and Yggdra look at one another.
Gulcasa is still sitting warily beside me, ready to take action if need be.
But when Roswell lets out a breath, his shoulders relax.

“…All right.
“Then, I trust you.”

It ends like that.
…After all that drama and tension, the air softens, and things go back to the way that they were before I explained everything.

Gulcasa picks up my tired body and tells the others that he’s going to take me to bed.
…I know better than to argue.
I can’t move very well, and if I’m not active I’d fall asleep anyway, so there’s no point in complaining that I would rather stay awake.
Besides, in my dreams my physical problems won’t bother me.

He takes me effortlessly up the stairs and lays my body down on the bed.
…But before he goes.
That’s right, there’s something very important that I have to talk to him about.

“—Gulcasa.”
“What is it?”
…Oh.
I really don’t know what to say.

“About—everything that I explained earlier.
“You still… haven’t said anything.”
Like complaints about the nature of the Fuyuki Grail War, or grudges about my not having told him all of this earlier.
Like my admitting that my having been with him was, at the beginning, born of my own selfish desires for revenge—which is good as having admitted straight out that I was just using him when we first met.
He surely must have grievances to air about one of these things, but he kept quiet about them to present a solid front and to defend me.

Gulcasa turns his head to the side slightly, considering me with a quite neutral expression.
“—Honestly, there were no surprises for me in that discussion.
“If you want to know why, it’s because I already knew all of it.”
“—”
My thought processes all grind to a halt and crash.
“I—what?”
“Yeah.
“…Look, I don’t think you’ve forgotten, but—Nessiah, every night when I sleep, I dream about your memories.
“So I know about what happened to you in Asgard, everything that you went through and put other people through before you met me, how you felt when we were together, and the events that came to pass after I died.
“I saw what that person Hector did to you, which means that for the past few days I’ve basically figured out everything that you told us just now.
“About your body failing because it hurts to be the grail vessel, and everything else.
“—I knew. So I wasn’t surprised or shocked, and there wasn’t really anything of importance to exclaim about.”

“—”
“…Hey, you don’t have to make such a stunned face.”
Gulcasa reaches out to touch my cheek with warm fingers.
I can feel my face starting to heat up.

“Why—”
I can’t finish.
How stupid—is this person?
To know all that, and yet to stay by my side without any bitterness at all—

“It looks like you’re making a pretty big misunderstanding.
“…Nessiah. I love you, and I know that you’re aware of that.
“But it seems kind of like you’re unaware of everything that means.
“I love you. I came to you because you called for me with all that love and desperation, and because I love you.
“Since being summoned and being able to see why you’ve made the choices that you have, I think I’ve been able to understand you a lot better.
“And understanding you means that I can’t blame you even if for some reason I’d really wanted to.”

As he speaks.
His gaze stays directly on me, and burns up my head with confused emotions.
Gulcasa smiles.
It’s a soft and brilliant expression that makes the rest of the world melt away.

“…I love you.
“And, you know what? My feelings of love are invincible.
“They’ll never lose out to anything, not time or any kind of painful revelation.
“I care about you, I want to make you happy, and I want to be with you.
“Nothing I ever learn about you is going to change that.”

“—”
I can’t speak.
I can’t hope to answer him.
Because I can’t think of anything adequate to say, and—because if I try to speak right now, I will surely cry.

But Gulcasa just smiles.
“…Anyhow, you need to get your rest.
“You and I are going to win this ridiculous war.
“So that we can do that—you’ve got to stabilize your body, and after that we’ll make a plan to get rid of our most dangerous enemy.
“…All right?”

Somehow.
I manage to nod in response.
“…Okay.
“Relax and sleep well.”

He doesn’t move to kiss me.
He just holds my face tenderly in both hands for a long moment.

It’s warm.
Suppressing the urge to cry takes all the energy I have to spare, and so by the time he’s closing the door, my consciousness is already sinking—